Khaims: Meeting aging parents

For those of us who are adult children of parents who may be in their 70s or older, caring for their health and well-being can be a difficult topic to think about.

Don’t get me wrong: Just because your parents are aging doesn’t mean they need help. Additionally, this does not mean that they cannot take care of themselves and live independently. However, regardless of current health status, everyone ages, and at some point each of us may need a little help and care.

Adult children of aging parents do not always pay attention to the changes occurring in their parents and often overlook them because it hurts them to see them. Spouses can often be the ones to instigate this conversation and point out something unusual that may be causing concern.

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If you’ll be visiting your elderly parents over the holidays, in addition to celebrating, take a moment to make sure your elderly loved ones are still able to manage their daily lives independently. Often older people need help to stay safe and healthy, but they don’t like to admit it.

Here’s a simple checklist that can help determine if your loved one needs help staying at home:

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Check their appearance

• Are they wearing appropriate clothing?
• Is there an unpleasant body odor that may indicate difficulty bathing, washing your hair, or brushing your teeth?
• Have they made any drastic changes to their appearance—wearing more or less makeup, giving up dentures, etc.?

The appearance may indicate that daily activities are becoming more difficult. It is also a potential indicator of worsening vision and possibly changes in mental acuity.

Look around the house

• Is there enough nutritious food in the refrigerator?
• Is the house in normal order or are there any changes?
• Are dishes and linen removed on time?
• Is there any expired food in the pantry and/or refrigerator?
• Ask about food – are they eating enough? What about water consumption?
• Are the medications organized? Are there any expired medications or bottles in the house?

Changes in household and food choices may indicate difficulties with shopping, cleaning, or preparing meals.

Tell us about your daily routine

• Ask about activities and friends – are they still involved in what they enjoy?
• Do they wake up every day with a purpose?
• Ask if you can participate in medical discussions with their providers. Often our aging parents don’t ask many questions. An extra pair of ears doesn’t have to be a hindrance – rather, it can be a support.
• Check the bills – are they paying bills on time or are they ignoring mail?

Refusing to exercise, missing appointments, and ignoring mail are all signs that an older person may need help. They are also signs of possible depression, a problem that is plaguing older Americans at an alarming rate. If you notice a change in interests or participation in activities, you may want to talk to them about their current circumstances and your concerns for their well-being.

Staying home is the goal of most aging parents. But the reality may be that caring for your home and daily activities may become increasingly difficult. Many of our aging parents may be afraid to face this reality because they are afraid of losing their independence or admitting they need help. A holiday visit is an ideal opportunity for adult children to talk to older family members about their health and life situation.

Don’t turn a blind eye to a family member or friend who is showing signs that they need help. A simple fall can open Pandora’s box.

Judson Hames is the owner of Visiting Angels Home Care in Eagle County. He is an advocate for our seniors and is available to answer questions. Contact him at [email protected]..