Why Gen Z is lonely and happy about it

When I was a young man, all I wanted was to find someone to settle down with and start a family. I found someone nice and we decided to raise a standard family of two kids and a dog. When I look back now as an empty nester, I don’t regret any of the decisions I made. But I also realize that what I thought I wanted was what I was told I should want. I lived my life according to a script that someone else wrote for me.

In industrialized countries at least, marriage rates have been declining for decades, while the number of people living alone—both before marriage and after divorce—is on the rise. Research has consistently shown, at least until recently, that people are happier when they are in committed romantic relationships than when they are unpartnered. There is definitely a prevailing belief in society that you need a significant other to make you “whole.”

Then came Generation Z, who challenged tradition and lived by their own rules. According to a team of German psychologists led by Tita Aviles, zoomers, or people born between 2007 and 2012, wait longer to enter into romantic relationships. Moreover, they are quite happy being single. The researchers analyze the reasons for this trend in a paper they recently published in the journal. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Autonomy is more important than intimacy

For this study, Aviles and his colleagues used a large, longitudinal study of intimate relationships and family dynamics to analyze data from nearly 3,000 people who were not in romantic relationships. The sample consisted of four cohorts: Generation X, born 1971-1973; Early Millennials, born 1981–1983, Late Millennials, born 1991–1993, and Generation Z, born 2001–2003. Participants in each group responded to three age stages: adolescence (approximately 16 years), early adulthood (approximately 26 years), and adulthood (approximately 36 years). Of course, cohorts born later have not yet reached all three age levels.

Compared with cohorts born earlier, cohorts born later reported greater satisfaction with their single status and greater satisfaction with life in general. This was especially true for zoomers, who until now had only responded in their teens.

For previous generations, adolescence was the time when people began dating and becoming romantically involved. However, Gen Z teens seem to value autonomy over intimacy. Based on these data, the researchers cannot pinpoint why this is the case, but they do consider a number of social changes that may contribute to this change in attitude.

Less stigma around loneliness

Rates of loneliness have been rising for decades, and Aviles and her colleagues note that society’s attitudes toward loneliness have changed. In the past, loneliness was a sign of failure, indicating that a person was unable to form or maintain intimate relationships. People internalize these kinds of social judgments, and it’s likely one of the reasons why previous generations reported being dissatisfied with single life.

However, researchers note that there is much less stigma surrounding loneliness these days, especially among Zoom users. That is, representatives of Generation Z do not see anything wrong with being alone and do not judge their peers for being romantically distant. This means that Zoomers can decide for themselves whether to be single or not, without fear of discrimination from those whose opinions they value most.

Aviles and his colleagues also note that Gen Zers tend to be more individualistic and value autonomy more than previous generations. You may have plans for your life, but if you are in a relationship, you need to consider your partner’s goals and make compromises yourself. Zoomers seem to be less likely to do this.

Delaying developmental milestones

Another reason for Gen Z’s preference for solitude is the observation over several generations that young people go through important developmental milestones later in life. Although children reach puberty at a slightly earlier age than a hundred years ago, thanks in large part to better nutrition today, their social and psychological development tends to be delayed. Young people stay in school longer, start careers later, and wait longer to get married or start a family, even if they have a romantic partner. There’s even evidence to suggest that Zoomers wait longer before having sex, too.

On this topic, we also need to note that sexual relationships have changed significantly over the past half century. Boomers like me were “liberated”, unlike our parents. We had no qualms about premarital sex, but we mostly limited it to serious relationships. However, Zoomers are more open to casual sex, and they have apps to help them find it. They are also more tolerant of alternative sexual relationships, such as friendships with benefits. Another study found that people are happier in their single status when their sexual needs are met.

The long “childhood” of the 21st century, in which young people may still be financially dependent on their parents well into their 20s, is likely one of the reasons why Zoomers are postponing careers, marriage and family. At the same time, life expectancy has increased significantly over the last century, so young people today have a reasonable expectation that they will have more free time and will not have to rush into the obligations that bind them.

If that’s the case, we can perhaps expect Zoomers to start settling down in their 30s, unlike their Boomer parents, who tended to get married by their 20s. It’s also important to keep in mind that boomers married later than their parents and for the same reasons, namely that they took longer to establish themselves in their careers and that life expectancy was increasing.

In the coming decades, it will be interesting to see whether Generation Z will follow a delayed but traditional life trajectory or forge new and uncharted paths in life. I wish them a safe journey!