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Asking Eric: I felt used when my cousin asked me to financially support her granddaughter.

Posted on by L. Dreeye
Asking Eric: I felt used when my cousin asked me to financially support her granddaughter.

Dear Eric! After years of no contact, I was reunited with a once close cousin. When she recently visited my area, I met her and her granddaughter “Mia.”

My cousin told me about the financial difficulties this sweet teenager is facing. My friend funds most of Mia’s extracurricular activities and clothes.

About a month later, I received a text message from Mia asking if I could buy a pair of sneakers for her upcoming soccer camp. Surprised, I contacted my cousin about her request. My cousin “reminded me” that I had offered to help Mia. Well, I didn’t mean financially!

But since she’s a really sweet kid, I offered to help her get her sneakers. Unfortunately, Mia wanted incredibly overpriced sneakers that I would not buy for my granddaughter. When I told my cousin about this, she said, “Well, Mia Very picky and wants what she wants.”

Not very happy with this answer, I asked Mia to choose a pair in a certain price range. She apologized and sent other options in that range. After receiving them, Mia sent numerous messages of gratitude and then invited me to join her and my cousin “on the shore” on a 10-day vacation they had planned. I did not answer because the invitation did not come from my cousin.

I’m angry and feel like my cousin has backed me into a corner by making Mia ask for help and I haven’t heard from her at all. Should I tell my cousin how I feel or just cut ties completely?

– Feeling of use

Expensive Feeling Used: Although your cousin put Mia in an awkward, even inappropriate, position, the teenager handled your boundaries well, expressing gratitude for your generosity and taking steps to continue building a non-transactional relationship.

Indeed, this teenager did everything your cousin should have done. Perhaps her cousin is teaching her how to do this, but the first step should have been for your cousin to reach out to you to clarify the parameters of your proposed help. Failure to do so will put you and Mia in a difficult position.

Tell your cousin how you feel. There’s no point in stewing in silence. And consider responding to Mia’s message, even if it’s a “thanks, but no thanks.” The two of you were still communicating well, despite your cousin dropping the ball.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.