How to Avoid the Friend Zone on a WLW Date

Hooray, you got a date as a woman from WLW! But even if you’re excited, you can’t shake the fear that you’ll end up as friends rather than something more. Sigh. Welcome to the world of sapphic dating. As if being a WLW (wife-loving woman) isn’t hard enough already, sometimes there’s the tricky task of avoiding the BFF vibe and making it clear that your date is, in fact, a date.

If you’ve ever felt the transition from romance to friendship or have never been in the romantic atmosphere at all, you know how exhausting dating with WLW can be. Great, another friend, but what you’re really looking for is more.

Chances are, you’ve spent a lot of time building friendships over the years, but when it comes to flirting (with women), it’s a whole different story and something no one really teaches. The good news is that there are no hard and fast dating rules, no traditional gender expectations, and no what you’re “supposed to do.” But on the other hand, it can leave you without guidance; Panic may arise, and this is completely normal.

Content creator Lauren Payton recently posted a video about this very dilemma with the caption: “How to Avoid the BFF Vibe on a Girl Date.” The comments were full of people sharing the same concerns and offering their own advice, ranging from “don’t go to the toilet together” to “it’s all about body language”, with one person joking: “Bold of you to suggest that I even managed to ask her out on a date.”

Payton says queer women can form incredibly close relationships with each other because they share many of the same experiences navigating the world, which blurs the lines of romance and friendship. She tells PS: “When you can establish a very deep connection with each other, And You may feel physically and romantically attracted to each other, but sometimes there may be some blurring. Not always! But sometimes.”

Below are expert tips on how to avoid getting into the friend zone on a WLW date.

Experts featured in this article

Lauren Payton is a content creator and actress starring in the WLW vampire web series Pain in the Neck.

Angelica Koch is a certified relationship coach, life coach, and meditation instructor. She is also a relationship expert at Taimi, an LGBTQ+ dating app.

How to Avoid the BFF Vibe on a WLW Date

Treat her like a person

This may seem incredibly obvious, but that’s because we’re not necessarily talking about just respecting someone (which, yes, of course you should too). Instead, we want to treat your partner as a person, not as a “cute little thing.” Payton says, “Make sure you treat your girlfriend like an adult and not like a little dog; Don’t raise your voice when complimenting her and don’t fawn over her excessively.”

Many women, especially younger women, have the idea that when you make a move, you come across as a “creepy man,” Payton says. But she adds: “You are not a creepy man. You never were. You never will. Talk to any WLW and you’ll realize that she would love for a woman to flirt with her. Even if it’s not true.” “At the end of the day, a woman flirting with someone and a man flirting with someone are different experiences.”

The goal is to form a real human connection and learn more about who you’re going on a date with, so be sure to listen carefully and engage.

Don’t be a “yes” person

Payton advises against agreeing. In other words, don’t just admire everything she says—have your own opinions and politely push back. It becomes difficult to carry on a conversation if you agree with everything she says just to avoid possible disagreements.

Payton points out that if you really agree with something, you can always provide more context as to why. “Agree and add,” she says. “Move the conversation forward. Improvisation is available to everyone!”

Be as focused as possible

Many WLWs are hesitant about actually flirting with them, so it’s important to be direct. If you are looking for a genuine partnership or something specific, be open and honest about it. Of course, this is much easier said than done, but, unfortunately, even women cannot read your mind. Beating around the bush can cause you to end up in the friend zone.

“Many women may misinterpret this as wanting friendship rather than something more. Let them know that you find them attractive and would like to get to know them better on your next date, says relationship coach Angelica Koch. “On a date, try to be as obvious as possible in your flirting. Avoid using platonic words such as “beautiful” or “kind.” Instead, use flirty words like “attractive,” “beautiful,” “sexy,” “cute,” and “cute.”

Compliment who they are, not what they wear.

To avoid a BFF vibe when dating a WLW, it’s important to avoid clothing or visual compliments. Payton notes how important it is to compliment who they are as a person: “Don’t raise your voice when giving a compliment! Keep it as neutral as possible. A well-toned compliment through eye contact can work wonders. you’re nervous, take advantage of it! Imagine a woman talking to you and saying, “You make me nervous, I just think you’re so gorgeous.”

Don’t be shy about physical touch (respectfully)

You don’t usually touch your friends too much while you go out to dinner—we’re talking about those sparkly touches that leave you wanting more. Don’t be shy about being open about it because the whole point here isn’t to just make another friend. “Reach out to touch her arm or touch a strand of hair while looking into her eyes,” Koch says. “It’s nice to be direct because it leaves no room for questions and lets the woman know your intentions.”

For those who are worried about being direct, there’s nothing wrong with simply asking if you can make a move. “If you want to attack her, but that little voice in the back of your head makes you doubtful, you can always ask her directly,” Payton says. “There’s something very heartbreaking about asking, ‘Can I hold your hand?’ -Can I kiss you? “This is fine?”

What not to do on a date with a WLW

When it comes down to it, forming real relationships as a WLW takes time. If you find yourself at the end of a date and don’t know where exactly you’re interested in taking it, there are a few phrases to avoid, such as, according to Koch: “Let’s hang out again” or “I like hanging out with you.” Koch adds, “It makes it feel like you’re with a friend rather than someone you might consider as a potential partner.”

Bottom line

If you’re thinking about what you’d like to feel or experience on a date – how you’d like to be treated or what you’d like someone to say – maybe try some of these. You want her to feel like she’s the only one you’re thinking about right now. Start being clear, focused and avoid the “yes” mentality. Second date, here we are.