Ask Eric: Uncles don’t celebrate their niece’s birthday, but want gifts for their children

DEAR ERIC: I have two brothers who recently were unable to send a birthday gift or even a card to my 12-year-old daughter. On the other hand, my wife and I always send birthday gifts or money and cards to their children, our nieces and nephews.

My daughter sadly noted that she did not receive a gift from them last year. Otherwise she loves her aunts, uncles and cousins.

One of my brothers just sent his 9 year old son a request for a video game birthday gift. I’m happy to give a gift to my nephew, but also a little annoyed that it isn’t reciprocated. We welcome your advice.

– No gift back

DEAR NO GIFT BACK: Send the gift, but have a separate conversation with your brothers about what the gifts mean to your daughter and how the lack of recognition has affected her and how you feel.

A gift exchange between niece and nephew doesn’t have to be tit-for-tat, but it’s important to let your brothers know that you’re not feeling the family connection you want. If you like, offer to send them reminders or lists of gift requests for your daughter’s sake. This may not be deliberate neglect; they may simply not be able to cope with birthdays.

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DEAR ERIC: I read a letter from the Unchanged Channel about a widowed parent who only wants to watch TV and not socialize. From the perspective of someone who was widowed eight years ago after 43 years of marriage, I would tell the kids not to worry.

They should know that at every doctor’s appointment we seniors go to, we are asked mandatory Medicare questions designed to screen for depression and overindulgence (even at the dermatologist). Children should ensure that their mother visits a GP at least once a year to monitor her health; this can go a long way towards their peace of mind.

– Enjoying life

DEAR LIFE: Thank you for emphasizing the importance of regular health monitoring with your primary care physician and specialists.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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