The LDS Church encourages civility in politics. Do participants support this call?

For most of her life, Allison Reynolds was a “default Republican.” It was simply the world she grew up in, the 53-year-old Latter-day Saint explained.

She felt some hesitation in voting for Republican nominee Donald Trump in 2016, but it wasn’t until 2020 that she found herself—for a variety of reasons—breaking not only with the party’s leader, but with the party itself. She didn’t leave quietly either.

“This was the first time I decided to discuss political issues on Facebook,” Reynolds, who lives in Minnesota but was living in Highland, Utah, said with a wry chuckle. “Wow, I never went back to that.”

Most painful was the criticism she received from other members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, especially from a respected man in her community whom she knew well.

“Our children taught his children,” she said. “We were friends and neighbors. I accompanied his children in musical numbers (at church).”

But none of that seemed to matter after her Facebook post in which she argued that abortion should be safe and legal to allow for church-sanctioned exceptions, including in cases of rape and incest.

“He attacked me (in the comments) and then got some other ward members to attack me by calling me the Antichrist,” she said. “…I was just shocked because these were people I knew and loved personally.”

Church leaders seem to have noticed this tension in the ranks. Statements and messages from senior leaders around the world repeatedly returned to the need for civility and reminded party members that “principles consistent with the gospel are to be found in the various political parties.”

The question leading into one of the closest and most contentious presidential elections in U.S. history is whether those lofty goals have taken hold in the hearts and minds of the people in the pews.

What Church Leaders Say

In his 2023 World General Conference address, church President Russell M. Nelson lamented the loss of “civility and decency” in an era of “polarization and passionate division.” He urged listeners to resist the urge to “vilify” those who disagree with them and strive to be peacemakers.

That same year, he and his advisers in the denomination’s ruling First Presidency warned that straight voting, or voting based on “tradition” without careful examination of the candidate, posed a “threat to democracy.”

And in a general conference sermon in October 2024, Senior Apostle Dallin H. Oaks echoed Nelson’s call to avoid polarizing rhetoric.

“As we pursue our preferred policies in public action, let us claim his blessings using the language and methods of peacemakers,” urged the man next in line to head the global faith. “In our families and other personal relationships, let us avoid everything harsh and hateful.”

The fight between good and evil

Mesa’s Julie Spilsbury says the reports are “amazing.” Like Reynolds, the 47-year-old Arizona resident grew up a Republican and cast her first and last vote for Trump in 2016.

Among the events that changed her views on politics was her election to the city council in 2020.

Until this point, Spilsbury had lived in a “super-LDS, super-conservative little Mesa bubble” that held to the belief that “the Democrats were evil.” Then she won a seat on the board and suddenly found herself working with people of all political persuasions, all of whom “cared deeply about their families and their communities.”

She said, “It opened my eyes.”

In this presidential election, she was part of the Republican – and especially the Latter-day Saint Republican – movement in Arizona, hoping to help the state attract Democratic candidate Kamala Harris.

It wasn’t easy. Just the other day, Spilsbury said, she received a message from a church member accusing her of “breaking the hearts of (my) pioneer ancestors.” When one council member posted a photo on Facebook of Spilsbury holding a “Republicans for Harris” sign, the comments — all from other Latter-day Saints — were so negative that the poster removed the image and sent Spilsbury a message apologizing.

“It goes back to if you think the other side is evil, then this is a fight for God,” she said. “It’s a fight for light over darkness.”

In this context, Spilsbury breaking ranks is “divisive” (which she hears all the time), no matter how she presents her positions, and any attack, no matter how personal, is seen as justified. Spilsbury feels like that’s how those who called her a “whore” and said, “I hope you burn in hell,” see it this way.

Definition of Politeness

Even so, it would be inaccurate to portray all Latter-day Saints who support Trump as (usually) online brawlers.

Anna Jo Mason couldn’t agree more with Spilsbury’s support for a Democratic vice president.

“I want to walk down the street,” said the 51-year-old Latter-day Saint from Mesa, “with a sign telling me not to vote for Harris.”

Still, Mason says she and her friend can have a positive exchange on the issue.

She has studied the words of Nelson and Oakes and has many thoughts about why their interactions remain respectful. First, she said that both she and Spilsbury try not to control each other’s voice or thinking. The Trump supporter admitted it’s difficult when you think another person’s voice could “ruin your life.” But when the fear builds up inside, she reminds herself to “Trust that God is in control.”

“Civicism doesn’t mean molding other people,” Mason noted, “or demonizing (the other side) in our minds by thinking, ‘Well, it’s because they all hate America.’

Amber Brunjes has also thought a lot about how to define politeness.

Like Reynolds and Spilsbury, the 44-year-old Latter-day Saint has faced intense criticism after vocally speaking out about her opposition to Trump in recent years.

“People get angry more easily than I expected,” said the Dayton, Nevada, resident, citing a feeling of “betrayal” as at least one reason. More than once, messages and calls left her “in tears.” Among other things, she received comments that more or less questioned whether I had “lost my spiritual sense of direction, which is a shame.”

The experience, Brunjes said, only strengthened her belief that civility comes from following the fundamental teaching of Christianity: loving your neighbor.

“I was never told to judge my neighbor,” she said. “I was only told to love them and try to understand them, to be a peacemaker and to avoid strife.”

One trick Brunjes has learned the hard way is to take a moment before responding to others, especially when what they said is hurtful.

“If I respond to someone with any kind of negative feeling, whether it be anger or irritation,” she said, “it will lead to discord.”

What politeness is not

One concern Mason expressed with church leaders’ recent emphasis on avoiding nasty political fights is that it could have a chilling effect on Latter-day Saints’ active participation on flammable topics.

Reynolds, who recently launched the Instagram account @latterdaydem, echoed those concerns.

“It’s not polite for me to just go back into your echo chamber and your corner with two like-minded people,” she said, “talking about others in private and not communicating.”

Spilsbury also expressed this concern by drawing a contrast between the role of the peacemaker (a person who chooses to remain silent in the hope of avoiding disagreement) and the peacemaker. The latter, in her opinion, often requires “speaking up” about perceived injustice, but doing so with respect and love.

Signs of progress

Spilsbury remains optimistic. Even amid the scorched earth of social media, she believes she has begun to see the first shoots of civility.

She points to a couple of her husband’s Facebook posts related to the upcoming election. Together, she said, the couple prepared for the collision. But this time the reaction was different.

“There was quite a bit of resistance to that,” she admitted. “But for the most part the comments were very respectful. …We were kind of confused.

It’s impossible to prove the change was due to comments from church leaders, but the timing of it all — the posts came shortly after the last general conference — made her think that “maybe people are trying harder.”

Reynolds draws an even more direct and bold line between comments from church leaders and the solution she ultimately found regarding a Latter-day Saint man who made hurtful comments on Facebook.

She was still suffering from the experience when, several years later, she heard Nelson’s stirring call for faith members to be peacemakers.

“You won’t believe this,” she said, “but five minutes after that ending I received a message from the same man apologizing to me. And I know it’s because he just heard the same conversation.”

She said she forgave him “immediately.”

Most recently, she asked followers of her liberal-leaning Instagram account to react to the following statement: “I have noticed an overall improvement since (the last) General Conference” in how Latter-day Saints deal with political differences.

Of the roughly 150 people who responded, only a few—just 6%—said yes.

A little. But maybe, just maybe, this is a start.