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Asking Eric: Our Children Didn’t Visit Us During Hurricane Helen

Posted on by L. Dreeye
Asking Eric: Our Children Didn’t Visit Us During Hurricane Helen

Dear Eric: My husband and I are hurt and disappointed in our two children, both adults in their 40s. It was predicted that we would be in the direct path of Hurricane Helen in Georgia. She changed her path slightly to the east, and we were not affected by the hurricane. However, we were hit by heavy rain and very strong winds. Additionally, we live in a somewhat remote area surrounded by trees.

Our kids didn’t contact us until mid-afternoon after Helen hit to see if we were affected by the hurricane (they live in different states). We raised them to be independent but caring adults, and we cannot understand why they showed little concern for our safety.

I think we should ask them why they don’t care about us, but my husband thinks we should just accept that they have become selfish and self-centered. They have both previously said that they had a wonderful childhood and they appreciate the way we raised them. So why didn’t they care enough to write/email/call to see if we were ok? Should I ask them? – No registration

Dear, No check in: I’m glad you’re safe. I’m curious if this communication problem is a pattern in your children’s behavior or an anomaly. If it’s the latter, you might want to think of it as a place where your expectations and theirs didn’t align.

In any case, you should let them know how their calls reached you. If you don’t, I’m afraid you and your husband may start to resent them – if you’re not already stoking the fires of resentment. And you could construct a story about them that is not true.

Selfish and self-centered are strong words. As a family who, from your description, care about each other, you should talk about how you can all feel seen and thought of.

We sometimes think of communication patterns in relationships as a sort of “set it and forget it” function. But as we change, the way we talk to our loved ones may also change. It helps to constantly check in, keep an open mind, and be vulnerable enough to say, “This hurt me, and I love you enough to let you know.”

Dear Eric: This regarding “Accused Mumbler”“, whose husband resisted hearing aids. I am an audiologist serving older patients. Hearing loss can accelerate the progression of dementia/Alzheimer’s disease. Your brain is like a muscle: use it or lose it. When the brain doesn’t receive a good signal from the ear due to hearing loss, the brain ends up “forgetting” what sounds mean, even if they are loud enough.

Unfortunately, after an initial diagnosis of hearing loss, it often takes seven to ten years for a patient to purchase a hearing aid. Just think of the experiences, relationships and joy of life that are lost, often due to pride. – Solutions for losses

Expensive solution: There are so many benefits to using affordable care. I hope the husband in the letter will do just that.

Dear Eric: I am writing in response to a letter from a “Confused Mom” who is concerned about her son’s college choices. Both you and mom missed something important. Son does have a plan to go to college. He wants to go to community college.

On average, 45% of all students in the United States attend community college. Additionally, of all students who graduate from a four-year school with a bachelor’s degree, about 50 percent had attended a community college within the previous 10 years.

The son makes a very wise choice. Not only will it save money, but it is also well known that community college students receive more individual attention from teachers and counselors, as well as more tutoring help if they are having difficulty with any particular course.

Additionally, the average age of community college students is 27, meaning community college classes include a range of ages and life experiences, which can be beneficial for students who are still finding their way. – Community college work

Dear Community College Staff: Thank you very much for expressing your support for the community college so thoroughly and enthusiastically. I agree, this is a great way!

Dear Eric: I just read your advice to a confused mom in the print edition of the local newspaper. Regarding their question of what to do with a college fund, the law was recently changed to allow 529 plans to be rolled over to a Roth IRA, with some caveats of course. This might be worth paying attention to. – 529 Offer

Dear 529 Suggestion: This is a great option for a family, especially if the son decides to go to community college and saves some of the money his parents put aside.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.