We ask Eric: a restaurant regular is annoyed by the waiter’s attempt to guess his order

Dear Eric, I eat at a local restaurant a couple times a week and usually eat out one meal out of three. One waitress asks me what I want to eat, but then interrupts me to guess or tell me what I want. I just put my head down and nod yes or no to the guesses. This is unpleasant, but not life-threatening.

She likes it. I hate this.

However, if I said something, it would force her to make a choice: be herself, do what she likes, or please me so that I can order as I want. I don’t know if this is a big enough problem to have a “high road”. The answer won’t change my life. She can easily change, and I can easily suffer. The question is, who will become themselves?

– Speaking

Dear conversation! I have worked in the service industry for over ten years. I liked it. I enjoyed seeing the regulars, meeting new people and carrying lots of drinks at once. The whole bit. I also liked knowing what people wanted, but I always ask And confirm. It’s part of the job. She may think you’re a regular who likes to be known this way. That way, telling her that this is not the case won’t stop her from being herself. This will help her do her job better.

You may not have the temperament to easily and comfortably make course corrections in social situations. This is fine. But know that you won’t make her suffer by saying something like, “I’ve already decided what I’m going to eat. Let’s not guess today, and I’ll just tell you.” This also frees you up to talk about something else if you want. Ideally, this is a conversation that both of you will enjoy.