Netflix and actually relaxing by redefining college sexual expectations – The Daily Free Press

Dear Abby, I’m new and want to hear your thoughts on sex. I feel like I’ve heard so much gossip and judgment about this speech; and I don’t know what to believe. Is there a good time for this? Is there a limit to the number of sexual partners I can have? I’m very confused.

Let’s talk about sex! And no, not like in the song.

What? Have you ever thought that Ask Abby was going to write an article about sex? Come on, I know my audience.

But seriously, despite how “adult” we are supposed to be, one topic that remains taboo is sex. I don’t mean the physical act itself, but its consequences and the stereotypes associated with it and around it.

There are many opinions about intimacy in college. Time, place, relationship status and numbers are all factors that people consider before making the big move.

But the more I think about how to address this multi-faceted issue, I can’t help but wonder: Has the flurry of opinions around sex made it even more shameful? Are we consciously creating a stigma that keeps us silent about safe practices?

Now just stay with me – I’m not going to tell you the whole birds and the bees story. However, I will be frank to clear things up.

Your value is not a number

One of the most painful double standards involves body counts, which are essentially a mental count of all the partners with whom a person has had sexual intercourse.

I mean, I could list with two hands all the sexually offensive terms used to describe women, and it seems like every year a new term is created. I mean, have you heard the term “bop” lately?

But the question remains: Why do guys get high-fived for having a lot of sex, but women are judged for it?

I would say this is due to the misogyny that is ingrained in society. Generally speaking, our culture puts labels on everything and everyone. We seem to be constantly categorized and judged, so it’s no surprise that “body count” is used to evaluate someone’s sexual background.

Let me be clear: true character and worth are not determined by our “sacrifice numbers.” These are simply statistics that do not reflect the complexity of our connections, the breadth of our experiences, or the depth of our feelings.

I think college is a time for experimentation to find out what you like and don’t like. If you get tested regularly and use other safe sex practices, your number doesn’t matter.

“No” means “no”, but also…

I’m pretty sure everyone has a good understanding of the concept of consent. We take prevention courses, learn about it in class, and have a shared sense of empathy and understanding for each other.

However, I think what confuses people is how your partner can show in subtle ways that they don’t want to engage in sexual intercourse. You’re right in saying that “yes” means “yes” and “no” means “no”, but did you know that many other things mean “no”?

First, it is not legitimate consent if you have to constantly ask the person or essentially beg them.

If they turn away, push you away, or show any other body language that might indicate they’re not feeling it, then that’s also a rejection.

The same goes for physical touch. You should not put your hands on someone unless they have explicitly stated that they are okay with it, no matter where you are or what they are wearing.

This also applies to people in relationships. Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean you have any rights over their body. You still have to ask, always.

“Right” time

Okay, Abby has a computer in front of her, not a crystal ball. I can’t tell you the exact time to try something for the first time.

I think the answers will vary. Some people say it’s better to end it, some say find someone special, and some might even tell you to wait until marriage.

I think the most important takeaway is that it’s your decision. If you feel safe around this person and clearly agree, go for it.

Sex without commitment is popular, especially among students. There’s nothing wrong with this, although I do recommend it if you get attached easily. For the sake of your emotional health, you should wait until you find someone you’re interested in doing this with.

If you’re looking for a casual style, that’s fine too! Just make sure you and the other person are on the same page.

The sexual act has no real moral weight. Your decision to accept or abstain does not make you better or worse. Stigmatizing the act only creates more barriers to safe sex, regardless of your religion or personal beliefs.

Sex can be powerful

I don’t like how sex is always used for “she said so” jokes. From my point of view, this is worth talking about.

College is a huge part of your formative years. As freshmen, we are entering our first year of true adulthood and independence. We live on our own, away from our parents, but also with a lot of other people who happen to be in close proximity – if you know what I mean.

Some people go to university having already experienced it for the first time, while for others it is completely new. In any case, it is not always possible to avoid temptations and experiments – and this is completely normal.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it’s no good for college students looking to have a good time. As long as you act safely, sex can be enjoyable.

The best part about new experiences is that we learn something new about ourselves along the way. The more we talk about it, the less stigma and shame there is.

So let me say this: there is nothing wrong with working a little while in college.